Journaling

Today, I read through my spiritual journal. My spiritual journal is a handwritten journal of the most inspiring texts I have come across in my life. It’s been a work of love extending over a period more than ten years. These texts always inspire me and can be seen as the foundation to my spiritual thought and development. Even at the worst of days, my journal will lift my spirit and reinvigorate to live a purposeful life.

Physically the journal is an expensive leather bound book. I paid a lot for it when I bought it but I was looking for a book worthy of the most worthy writing. The paper is high quality. My writing is not as neat as I would like it but it has my best effort to write readable in print.

I write as things comes to me. The topics is in that sense random and yet the criminological sequence teks something about my own development. The front part bring the first is also the most read. Strangely everything captured with dedication remains meaningful. I never tire of reading these texts. If my blogging can reflect only a bit of these texts I would be very happy. My past aim with blogging was always to write in a manner that is motivating in nature.

Karl Maria Willigut

I am reading Stephen Flowers’ book “The Secret King” on Karl Maria Willigut. I think of him as a forgotten rune master. He is according to the author the closest we can come to the occult of Nazi Germany. Indeed his association with the Nazis had thrown him into the pages of obscurity. It was after his death that the Nazis went amok.

In any case I was fascinated by this old master. It is easy for us to reject something and forget the context within which something was written. Of course with hindsight we can see error and we have the responsibility to look at material with fresh eyes. We are after all not caught in the same epoch than the writer.

The base model of spirit, energy and matter is similar to the ontology of Rosicrucian creation. I so think it is worth for me to give more attention to his writings and even to copy something into my spiritual journal.

Struggling against my angel

I am struggling again with my angel, like Jacob of the Bible. The perfect man, the Rocicrucian, the Rune master who I so much wish to become. Yet I see myself age in the shallows of my own mistakes, errors and wrong doings. I have to fight against the thoughts of having failed to live this life impregnated with meaning. I would love to look back and count successes. Off course there are successes but when I put the successes and failures on Thoth’s scales those hard earned successes seems to weigh less than the initial victories. The victories I had was mostly short term while the failures seem to linger longer, like ghosts looking over my shoulders. I am ultra aware that my cup is running empty and my time to still bring meaning to life is less with each second passing by. In my struggle, I cast these thoughts off my back and I deny them their power so that I can just have another day of attempting to live another day a beautiful life fully. I ignore the dawn of my own existence as the focus sharpens on the present moment. But today I had the need to write these thoughts as cryptic and short as they are so that I can be honest with my own inner being. Maybe it is changing my tactics in struggling with my angel so that I can move from denial to acceptance. I hope to accept myself with my failures. I consider the possibility that I will be alone at some stage, alone with the memories of defeat and failure still tugging at my conscience. My only consolation was that I always tried to be my best….being impeccable in my life to live my values to the best of my ability. I do not know if sincerity is a good excuse for failure but it is maybe the only one I have.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sacrifice

My blogging got a knock when the old Xanga site came to an end. WordPress seems to be working longer but there is not real sense of community here. I often wonder if there is another site that actually has a community. Facebook, twitter and the other more social media sites just does not do it for me. Xanga had an anonymity where the community connected. Facebook and other platforms tries to connect you with people you know but often does not have any interest in who you are. Nothing stays the same. This site and this writing will also be lost at some point in time.

Nevertheless today I pondered how Christianity took away the idea of sacrifice. Christian teaching tells that Jesus Christ did the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross. This sacrificed removed the need for all other sacrifices. I am not going to ponder here on the sanity or truth of these assertions. The bottom line is that the whole concept of sacrifice was largely lost from the collective mind given that the majority of the world population profess to be Christian.

The Nordic pagan way is steeped in sacrifices. ODIN sacrificed and eye and TYR sacrificed an arm. It is not the type of sacrifice that appease a god, GOD or gods but a willing sacrifice to attain something far more worth than that what is sacrificed. I wrote today “Know when to sacrifice for a greater purpose”. The sacrifice is to realize that even something we value as being a stumbling block for attainment of something better. In that sense even Jesus’ sacrifice was for the redemption of mankind. Life our most valuable possession was sacrificed to gain eternal life for mankind. Odin always sacrificed for knowledge and wisdom. Tyr sacrificed to bind the Fenrir wolf and preventing it from wrecking chaos.

In a modern world we see the pursuit of personal happiness as the ultimate goal. When we look at sacrifice we consciously move personal happiness aside for the greater good. Where sacrifice goes wrong is when life is sacrificed for god or the gods. The sacrifice of a child to gain victory in war as an example. These atrocities just contributed to painting the very concept of sacrifice black. The point is that for any hero’s journey the hero at some point needs to sacrifice something of himself to gain something bigger. The point of sacrifice is where the here displays courage to step across the threshold of personal happiness to succeed in the call of destiny. What we can learn from sacrifice is that it is not a sacrifice if it is not something personal. If you sacrifice an animal or child, not matter its value to you…that sacrifice is meaningless when it is based on a misconception that it is demanded by a higher power. Sacrifice must change the situation for the better in a tangible manner. We cannot sacrifice the innocent for personal or even collective gain.

True sacrifice is the willingness to let go of personal happiness in order to gain some other value. We sacrifice time and effort when we go to work to earn money. A father sacrifice his money to pay for his children to be educated at university. These are less talked about sacrifices but the sacrifices that makes the world a better place. Sacrifice is however not something done from weakness where sacrifice is the easy way out. Sacrifice edifies the individual to greater self-fulfillment. Sacrifice does not harm the innocent. Sacrifice must come from free will. To sacrifice we must know the consequences and be willing to live with the consequences. TYR had to live without his hand, Odin without his eye. When we sacrifice something we cannot blame others for our loss nor can we expect retribution at a later stage.

The key is that we must understand that a time will come where sacrifice is needed….and we should not fear that moment when we are pressed to choose. However, when we sacrifice we must also calculate the consequences and the gain of such a sacrifice and make sure that we can look back at that sacrifice and remain convinced that the sacrifice was worth the action.

I want to learn to love myself more

I want to learn to love myself more
so that I can know my inner sacred core
to discover my true self in the depths of my being 
a true witness staring into the deep abyss of meaning.
I want to discover within, the beauty of nature’s design,
genetic perfecting coalescing in this moment of time.
To see the end result of karma and evolution
bringing to manifestation, now, in me, love as revolution.
I want to learn to love myself to see
all is exactly as it should be. 
Needing nothing more and nothing less,
until “I just want to be me”, I can confess.
I want to learn to love myself more to explore,
with enthusiasm, to live a beautiful life fully even more.
To be free from judgement, attachment and opinion 
liberated from circumstance and condition,
my journey of self-love will gently lead
to the holy grail of self-acceptance without need.
My self-love will be the alchemist fire
that burns and churns every desire
until….the peacock briefly show its rainbow tail,
and love, multiplied, flows freely without fail.