I am finding my solace in the dark corners of my inner being. As much as I try I am again in that deep darkness where no topic seems to present itself for me to write about. I walk through the darkness and my lamp seems very dim. I can see only the next step, enough not to stumble but not enough to see where the road is leading. Yet, I am not afraid of the darkness. It is life to be surrounded by darkness when the light is not shining. Like the day the sun does not always shine and we have to be comfortable to at times walk in the dark. I ask my lamp why he is not shining as bright as ever and I do not get an answer. Maybe it is just an off day or the fuel is just low. I need to find the source that will fill up the lamp so that it can shine bright again. I might have to stray from the path I know so well and close the doors behind me. All that is familiar is in the past behind me, served me when I needed it but it is no longer mine to have nor my support. I have to walk alone. There is no wise sage with the answers whom I can hope to meet along the way that can give me insight into the path ahead. I am without a map, and without a compass, I might even be walking in circles when I have no reference point. I only know the strength within me, it is the only thing I can rely on. Maybe it is one of the lessons that must be learned in this life….to be able to be self confident, stand alone and find your own way. It is path of maturity that only the hermit will know. Maybe it is my initiation deeper into my own mystery. I sat and contemplated, I listened to the master within and I a no closer to an answer, a clear vision or plan of action. I need to understand what the lesson is that I need to know and learn. Has the edge of reason been reached? Maybe it is time to also call upon the heart to direct the way. I have a troubled relationship with my heart. Te heart does not judge and it flaunts logic and yet somehow it is excellent at staying the course and knowing what is right even when it is not logical. But I am also aware that neither heart or mind is the inner strength for the inner strength comes from will and there is no organ through which will is expressed. Will is the function of mind and the domain of the knower for the knower knows above all Divine Will. The knower wills our experience for us to become adept in the darkness. The knower is the source of the light that can fuel again the lamp to light up the darkness.
zeal4living